Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Just a reminder...

So, I'm nearing the final weeks of this second pregnancy and am frequently reminded by every single person in the world around me what my freakin' due date is.  It never fails, after telling one person the next walks up, places a hand on my basketball of a stomach and says it... "when are you due?"  And now I hate them.  Really.
I'm reminded of the post I wrote on the 31st of May, 2011.  I was almost a week overdue with Patrick and fed up with people's well meaning questions.  Tonight, I read my top things to never say to a 37+ pregnant woman and Joc and I had a good laugh at them.  I feel the need to share, so here they are:
Here's my list of Things to not say to a 37+ week pregnant woman: (and my responses or internal thoughts to their comments)
1. still no baby? (yup, I had it just didn't tell anyone)
2. you must be miserable (well, I'm not horribly miserable but I'm done with this abdomen and not seeing anything below my gut)
3. still here? (yes, yes I am.  Can you stop asking me this now?  If you see me, you can pretty much assume that 1. i'm still pregnant 2. i haven't had the baby and 3.  i'm not in the mood to answer your well-meaning questions.)
4. you haven't dropped, with your first, you have a good 2 weeks after you've dropped. (This said to me on my due date... I was so ready to jump across the table at the woman.  hormones, right?)
5. are your feet swollen?  (no, they usually look like this)
6. aren't you cute? (i'm not a cute person, never have been, never will be.  It's life, and I'm 30 years old so I think I'd know if I were cute.  It's the same way I feel when people call old people "cute".  I do not wish to be called cute as an adult nor as an old woman with wrinkles and a sense of humor.)
7. when's your due date?  (fill in my date here) So are you having a C-section? (not that I'm planning on).  So how do you know that's the date? (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!)
8. you should eat something spicy, i ate some jalepeno's with my first and went into labor right after that. (Right, I'll take that into consideration... the heartburn is not worth it!)
9.  Sex, you should have sex.  (right, because sperm is what is the most helpful part of sex and since we paid some decent dollar amounts for the sperm that met my egg in my fallopian tube, I'm just gonna wait it out here... and no, I'm not taking volunteers for sperm donation!!)
10. Do you want to know what made me go into labor?  (no, I don't because I'm a nurse and I read research crap and I know that there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support any of those old wives tales about what causes people to go into labor.  What I need is prostaglandin and uterine contractions... which the baby has to secrete in order to start dilating this damn cervix.)
11.  Do you know what you're having?  (nope)  You don't want to know? (Well, yeah we do but we also wanted to keep it a surprise) So are you gonna find out?  (hopefully in the next few FUCKING weeks you idiot!)
12.  You should go for a long walk. (yup, been walking this whole pregnancy..)
13.  When's your due date?  (may 26th) I sit back and watch as pure confusion crosses this person's face.  So, what does that make you?  (stupid for standing here, talking to you still) (this one also drives me mad when people I work with or people I speak to frequently, have asked me this multiple times through the pregnancy.  I know it's not their job to remember nor do they really care what the date is... then stop asking me.  AND when I tell them, end of May, then they say, well what day?  I've taken to saying, you won't remember anyway so I'm not telling you again.  It's mean, I know... but what can I say?!)

I can say I feel the same way now... I might add another that I've heard a lot in the past 2 days: "you've dropped"  (no, I haven't) "yes, you have.  You definitely have dropped." (Nope, stomach is still in the same place, my boobs are still resting on my stomach, I'm still short of breath and I can tell I haven't dropped.) "no, you have, I can see it." (Seriously?  Keep pushing it and I'm gonna drop my fist into your face...).
Good times.