Long nights

Since I've already posted on Tired, I feel like another would e overkill but that's my life right now. Our sweet Cecilia is a sucky sleeper. This I've always known but we get glimpses of relief to be followed by hellish nights that leave me close to tears or waking with a kinked neck from sleeping in the rocker.
There seems to be no end in sight and the solution I fear is a total hell of crying it out, alone. Which we did for Patrick and he did fine. Ceci has been a much more challenging child in that aspect. My fear with a total cry it out is the inconsolable big tears, the red face and the sweaty mess that takes the place of my baby. And to let her cry it out every hour and a half? That will be the hardest. Because that's how often she is up sometimes, longest she's given me is 4 hours and that's only 1 chunk of the night not consecutively in a night. I'm tired. I'm hormonal, exacerbated by lack of sleep, I'm sad for my girl and I'm tired. (Did I say that already?)
I hate to complain, and try to limit it as it's met with so much advice... But I'm getting desperate. We're trying probiotic drops daily now because it was "night and day" difference for a coworkers kid. I'm ticking down the list of what works for others praying it works for us. I'm getting desperate, reading online blogs and considering paying someone to give us a customized sleep plan. Do we need that? I sleep trained one baby... Why not this one too?
I know we'll all be even better people at the end of this tunnel, but I don't see any light on... Not even a glimpse of one. I mean, I'll settle for 4-6 hour blocks of sleep, we don't have to get crazy and get 12 hours... Just a little REM sleep will do this momma some good.
Say a prayer for better sleep for both Ceci and I... And if you don't pray then ill accept positive vibs and anything else you can throw at me.

A sad day

Death has reared her ugly head amongst my family again. Somehow a tragic loss is so much harder to swallow than one you can plan and count on. My uncle Mike died suddenly, unexpectedly on Sunday morning. He was 49. It seems he had a large heart attack, the LAD, the widow maker as we medical folk call it.
He was a good uncle, a good man. I have so many happy memories of mike, at his house, at Mo's, in Cadillac, he even came to our wedding in Toronto. The man helped move Michelle to Columbus, he drove down and then back to GR in one day.
I just can't believe he's gone. It's unbelievable. It's tragic. It's sad. It's heartbreaking and it's a cruel joke.
I enjoyed a very pleasant run this evening with my memories running clear of so much time spent with uncle Mike. I will miss him, and pray that God is as good and wonderful as I imagine and that He is with Mike, drinking a beer and shooting the shit.
May perpetual light shine upon you, Mike, and may you rest in peace. You are loved and missed.

Dear Milk

Dear Milk,
I miss you. I miss everything about you. Do you realize they put you in so much stuff? Bread, chips, cake, brownies, ice cream, macaroni and cheese, cheese, pizza... Everything I love has you in it. So I'm dealing with this in my own way. I'm drooling at people as they eat things I can't have right now. I stare lustfully at ice cream and donuts. I dream of M&MS and candy bars. I bargain with you in my head, though I know we can't be together right now.
The substitute you isn't great, it's actually quite dull and lackluster, sometimes downright disgusting. I have almond milk and soy milk in the fridge next to the real you and it's a sad sight. I count the days until we can be together again.
I want my Ceci to not be intolerant of you, I pray that it's not the case and I'm not looking at 6 months of life without you. But if that is the case, I'm in this. I'll be successful, don't you worry. But I will long for you until March 26th when we will most definitely meet again.
Until next time, stay delicious.
Love,
Jenn