Monday, June 10, 2013


I'm at a loss for this tired feeling.  Was I this tired with Patrick?  Was I exhausted?  Was work this hard to return to?  Cecilia isn't the best sleeper, I'm racking my brain to recall if Patrick had this much trouble at this age... I just can't remember.  Last night she was back to her up every 2-3 hours gig... gassy, fussy and fighting to get out of her swaddle.  Joc and I switched back and forth so that was helpful but man... waking up that often is hard.  If you haven't experienced this, you should count yourself lucky.  (And you are most likely child free since all infants wake up this frequently to eat... and if yours doesn't I really really don't want to hear about it.)  During maternity leave I didn't really have to function but now that I'm back to work I have to be able to form thoughts and emails and rational thought... being awake that much feels like I worked the night shift...
Please don't tell me it'll get better (I do know it will), that's not what I want with this post.  Please don't tell me all babies go through this or to cherish the hours I spend rocking and nursing the little lady all night.  I'm not looking for positive thoughts or well wishes... of course it won't last forever.  It's just hard in the moment.  I just need to work out my thoughts of why... and why do I need to know?  why can't C tell me what is wrong?  why won't she fall asleep and stay asleep when she's laid down in her crib, especially at daycare?  Why doesn't it matter how long I rock her as she's sleeping, she wakes herself up after I lay her down?
It adds to my worry too.
Cecilia hasn't been a good daycare napper either... but then again, those are the nights C will sleep for 6-7 hours straight.  So, do I keep her awake all day in order to have 7 solid hours of sleep?  I can't do it friends, babies need sleep, right?  Right?  Right... right...  I'm just not sure.
My poor little gal.  I just want her to sleep better, that's all I'm asking.  Send positive thoughts or prayers or chants or cheers (I'll take anything!) that Ceci starts putting her sleep cycles together, that she starts self soothing and that she gets rest.... and so do the moms.