Friday, February 25, 2011

15 years later

As you all pretty much know now, my dad died when I was just 8 days past my 15th birthday.  In a few short days, I hit the 3-0 milestone, making it half my life without my dad.
Half my life.
I can't quite put into writing what that means to me.  It hurts, yes.  It surprises me.  It's not like everyday is spent thinking of my dad, in fact I'm ashamed to say there are days that pass without him crossing my mind at all.  
Sometimes I still look for him in people and around me.
Last week, I was walking out of work to my car and as I walked around a corner the wind was blowing and the smell of a bakery consumed me.  Immediately, I was in the bakery standing infront of the rack of freshly made donuts.  I had on my white apron, my dad was at the fryer and the music was playing.  A smile crossed my face and I said simply, "hey dad.  sure do miss you around here."  And as soon as it was there, the smell and the memories were gone.
I never had the opportunity to get to know my dad, only in the way an adolescent knows their parents.  I look at my mom differently in my adulthood, I know her differently.  I respect her difficult choices she made when we were young and I love her in a different way.  I wish I could have a glimpse of who my dad really was.
I suppose this is just another milestone I must pass in my life and the next one will be my 44th birthday.
If you think of it on March 9th, stop a minute and say a prayer or think of me, my dad or my family.  15 years can feel like an awfully long time.
Miss you and love you pops, see you on the other side.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Who knew this kid would suck the life outta me?!  Well, I guess pretty much all of you who read this blog did.  Just off a weekend of work and dang, was I tired!  Both days were so busy, my legs were tired, my body was tired, my mind was tired.  I really am suffering from pregnancy brain... even a doctor asked me about it... I officially feel dense.  ugh.

Well, my interviews went well.  I don't want to jinx myself by saying it's in the bag... because honestly, I'm not certain.  I know the other three candidates well enough, and all but one would do a great job.  (is that mean, I just know one of them and I'm hoping her interviews didn't go as stellarly as mine...)  I'm not even sure when we will hear.  There is probably one more interview though.  It's like, make the decision already!! Gollly!!!

I have today off, my only plans are to go grocery shopping and for a walk.  It's great!  Cooper shares my sentiments as she is snoring on the pillow next to me.  Is that spring in the air?  I sure hope so!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Feed me

Oy, February already, seriously people! What is this?!
Lately, all my posts have been pregnancy updates and I'm not sure that's what I wanted this blog to be about... but it's becoming about that, I suppose my life is becoming about that.

Non-pregnancy front:
Did you know I'm interviewing for a different job? It's still at my current place of employment, just as a Professional Development Specialist. wew, all that to just call myself an educator. (c: I have my interview on Friday, actually got the schedule about 30 minutes ago. Three 45 minute panel interviews, with directors, managers and other educators, jeez. Is this all really necessary?! I mean, really. It's about 2 hours and 15 minutes of interviewing, I'm a little nervous, not really sure what the hell they are gonna ask me about for 45 minutes x 3 but whatever dude. I think I'm going to have to get an outfit though... my belly is rounder than ever and sticking out like never before! I'm hoping this is a full time, Monday through Friday gig, no weekends or holidays but I have a feeling they'll take two part timers. Which might be okay as well.... what with day care and such. I'm not getting too worked up really, just taking it in stride. Wish me luck!
This isn't to say I won't be doing anymore teaching in clinicals... I'm just not sure I have a job in that just yet and since I'm not really gonna work this summer (as the kid is due at the end of May), I'm just taking it in stride... remember?!

On the pregnancy front:
I'm having the weirdest dreams. I mean weird guys. Like, I birth the baby in the middle of the store, wrap it up and say, "it's too early!" then I shove it back up my vagina. Yup, weird. The other night it was that I was sitting at the table with a bunch of people (did I know them?) and I looked down and my belly is see through and the baby is floating around waving at me. Ha! Seriously! Weird. Or I'm being chased by sharks... Speaking of sleeping- my hips are killing me. I might develop a stage I pressure ulcer, and I keep waking up on my back... which I'm not supposed to sleep on (as it can occlude the blood flow to me and baby) but I can't help it! It's probably because my hips are screaming for relief. I feel badly for my patients that are stuck in bed turning every two hours... they must be sore!!! And did I mention I'm just getting more and more round? Lord, today I put on my shirt and sweater and was like, "what the hell?! this thing is huge!" And I'm only 24 weeks (and a 3 days). I'm going to be as big as a house by May aren't I?!
I need a beer!
Take it in stride, take it in stride, take it in stride... (I'm like the little engine that could)...