It's June... and I'm days away from ovulation. Too much info? You may want to stop reading now (c: This is the month, our first attempt at pregnancy. Over the last two or three years I'd say, Joc and I have gone back and forth about starting a family. I can't remember if I've shared our struggles on this blog, so I'll fill you in now (again possibly).
It started with me not feeling ready for a family, I wanted so badly to travel as a nurse and get the hell out of Grand Rapids and Michigan for that matter. Joc felt the desire to carry a child pretty strongly and I was indifferent about the idea. (Sidebar: I always had this feeling that I would be single all my life, that I might eventually adopt a child if I came to that crossroads in my life, but I had definitely not planned on children or a partner in my life, obviously that has all changed for me, as life always leads us in different directions than planned). After I spent my summer as a nurse in Denver and missed Michigan like hell (and the hospital as well), we decided to get Jocelyn prepared to get pregnant. Now, I'm pretty sure that most of you who read this blog are well aware of my sexuality and that I'm gay... so I shouldn't have to point out that we needed a bit of sperm to make this happen. I'm sure I'm remembering it easier than it was, we went and spoke to a fertility doctor in GR, who explained the process, what we'd be looking at for costs, yadda yadda. It came down to Jocelyn's depression, she's on anti-depressants and would need to wean herself off. So, she began the long process of decreasing her dose, and let's just say it failed, miserably for all involved. (c: So, then the hurdle came of her coming to the realization that she just wasn't going to be able to carry a child in a healthy way, especially since we couldn't just have one of those, "oops! forgot the condom/birth control/diaphragm" kind of nights and "wala!" pregnant... So, we backed off, for probably a year we didn't do too much talking about it, I had begun to realize it was either me or adoption. We looked into adoption, it's costly and difficult for a same-sex couple to adopt in this state, not illegal but extremely difficult. We finally got to the point of me being the uterus (it wasn't an easy process for Joc as she prepared for what her feelings might be like watching me pregnant and wanting it badly herself). We went back to the fertility doctor who went through the process again for us, I started taking my temperatures to track my ovulation and we set a tentative month as April to try. Well, the beauty of planning pregnancy as we've done is that it's easy to push back the dates, there's always something to wait for. We knew we wouldn't go for February or March, because of our Mexican vacation... I wasn't paying $1000 to sit at the pool and drink Shirley Temples, so April would have been a good month. Then my friend Kelly and Oliver got engaged and invited us for a late May wedding in San Francisco... after some thought and internal ethical debate (would it be bad to get the insemination in the middle of May and then go to the wedding and drink knowing I might be pregnant?) so we pushed to June. Then more problems arose at the end of April, early May with Jocelyn and the struggle of the Catholic faith and what we were "allowed" to do and be according to "them". It was not easy, I'll leave it at that, for Joc to accept that our child who was conceived out of love but not in the "traditional" method, was unaccepted. I can say that I was much more at ease with the choice than Jocelyn. There were priests and prayers and arguments and tears shed, but in the end, I guess I can say I won. (And I'm happy to report that a study that just came out of California shows children from same-sex female parenting did better in their 17 years than those in heterosexual households. So there! No evidence that it's better or worse to have two moms.)
So here we are! June 8th, according to my past cycles (all very regular 28 days) I should have my LH surge (that's ovulation folks) tomorrow or the 10th. Gulp. Our sperm is on stand by at the office, waiting to meet our egg... and I say our's because while it's coming from my ovary, it's still a labor of both our love.
I am keeping my excitement down, I'm nervous that I'll ovulate on the 10th while I'm working and not be able to have the insemination until Friday... is that gonna hinder us? Who knows. It probably won't take the first time, the sperm website says 4-6 attempts, our doctor says he'd give it 3 unsuccessful attempts before running tests. But, maybe it will... we should know by the end of the month if it worked but of course, will need to wait for that 10-12 week mark before really spreading the word (in case it doesn't take). I'm nervous about this huge change... about telling people I'm pregnant and dealing with their comments or lack there of. My body is going to change in multiple ways, I mean there's going to be a kid inside me! I'm honestly a little afraid of what people at work will think and (this is sort of pathetic) if they'll throw me a baby shower... it's funny the things you worry about. I know that it's going to be a long 10 months or so of no alcohol... again, pathetic but when I enjoy a good summer shandy on a hot evening, I'll have to get used to a nice summer lemonade or that Shirley Temple. But we are ready, this new step will be fun as partners, friends and women.
We are so ready.