How many nights will I listen to my baby cry? It should be working better than this. We've been using the cry it out on Ceci since October and as I type this, at 2 am, I'm listening to her fussing and crying, sometimes screaming. Ugh. How long will it take? And it's not once a night, nope. This week, it's been about every 3-4 hours. I don't get it. I just want her to get it. Please. Listening to your child cry every night is so hard.
And she's done it, she's asleep again. That only took 30 minutes of crying, one dose of Tylenol and me getting up twice. See you in 3 hours to do it all again.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Monday, August 19, 2013
Long nights
Since I've already posted on Tired, I feel like another would e overkill but that's my life right now. Our sweet Cecilia is a sucky sleeper. This I've always known but we get glimpses of relief to be followed by hellish nights that leave me close to tears or waking with a kinked neck from sleeping in the rocker.
There seems to be no end in sight and the solution I fear is a total hell of crying it out, alone. Which we did for Patrick and he did fine. Ceci has been a much more challenging child in that aspect. My fear with a total cry it out is the inconsolable big tears, the red face and the sweaty mess that takes the place of my baby. And to let her cry it out every hour and a half? That will be the hardest. Because that's how often she is up sometimes, longest she's given me is 4 hours and that's only 1 chunk of the night not consecutively in a night. I'm tired. I'm hormonal, exacerbated by lack of sleep, I'm sad for my girl and I'm tired. (Did I say that already?)
I hate to complain, and try to limit it as it's met with so much advice... But I'm getting desperate. We're trying probiotic drops daily now because it was "night and day" difference for a coworkers kid. I'm ticking down the list of what works for others praying it works for us. I'm getting desperate, reading online blogs and considering paying someone to give us a customized sleep plan. Do we need that? I sleep trained one baby... Why not this one too?
I know we'll all be even better people at the end of this tunnel, but I don't see any light on... Not even a glimpse of one. I mean, I'll settle for 4-6 hour blocks of sleep, we don't have to get crazy and get 12 hours... Just a little REM sleep will do this momma some good.
Say a prayer for better sleep for both Ceci and I... And if you don't pray then ill accept positive vibs and anything else you can throw at me.
There seems to be no end in sight and the solution I fear is a total hell of crying it out, alone. Which we did for Patrick and he did fine. Ceci has been a much more challenging child in that aspect. My fear with a total cry it out is the inconsolable big tears, the red face and the sweaty mess that takes the place of my baby. And to let her cry it out every hour and a half? That will be the hardest. Because that's how often she is up sometimes, longest she's given me is 4 hours and that's only 1 chunk of the night not consecutively in a night. I'm tired. I'm hormonal, exacerbated by lack of sleep, I'm sad for my girl and I'm tired. (Did I say that already?)
I hate to complain, and try to limit it as it's met with so much advice... But I'm getting desperate. We're trying probiotic drops daily now because it was "night and day" difference for a coworkers kid. I'm ticking down the list of what works for others praying it works for us. I'm getting desperate, reading online blogs and considering paying someone to give us a customized sleep plan. Do we need that? I sleep trained one baby... Why not this one too?
I know we'll all be even better people at the end of this tunnel, but I don't see any light on... Not even a glimpse of one. I mean, I'll settle for 4-6 hour blocks of sleep, we don't have to get crazy and get 12 hours... Just a little REM sleep will do this momma some good.
Say a prayer for better sleep for both Ceci and I... And if you don't pray then ill accept positive vibs and anything else you can throw at me.
Monday, August 5, 2013
A sad day
Death has reared her ugly head amongst my family again. Somehow a tragic loss is so much harder to swallow than one you can plan and count on. My uncle Mike died suddenly, unexpectedly on Sunday morning. He was 49. It seems he had a large heart attack, the LAD, the widow maker as we medical folk call it.
He was a good uncle, a good man. I have so many happy memories of mike, at his house, at Mo's, in Cadillac, he even came to our wedding in Toronto. The man helped move Michelle to Columbus, he drove down and then back to GR in one day.
I just can't believe he's gone. It's unbelievable. It's tragic. It's sad. It's heartbreaking and it's a cruel joke.
I enjoyed a very pleasant run this evening with my memories running clear of so much time spent with uncle Mike. I will miss him, and pray that God is as good and wonderful as I imagine and that He is with Mike, drinking a beer and shooting the shit.
May perpetual light shine upon you, Mike, and may you rest in peace. You are loved and missed.
He was a good uncle, a good man. I have so many happy memories of mike, at his house, at Mo's, in Cadillac, he even came to our wedding in Toronto. The man helped move Michelle to Columbus, he drove down and then back to GR in one day.
I just can't believe he's gone. It's unbelievable. It's tragic. It's sad. It's heartbreaking and it's a cruel joke.
I enjoyed a very pleasant run this evening with my memories running clear of so much time spent with uncle Mike. I will miss him, and pray that God is as good and wonderful as I imagine and that He is with Mike, drinking a beer and shooting the shit.
May perpetual light shine upon you, Mike, and may you rest in peace. You are loved and missed.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Dear Milk
Dear Milk,
I miss you. I miss everything about you. Do you realize they put you in so much stuff? Bread, chips, cake, brownies, ice cream, macaroni and cheese, cheese, pizza... Everything I love has you in it. So I'm dealing with this in my own way. I'm drooling at people as they eat things I can't have right now. I stare lustfully at ice cream and donuts. I dream of M&MS and candy bars. I bargain with you in my head, though I know we can't be together right now.
The substitute you isn't great, it's actually quite dull and lackluster, sometimes downright disgusting. I have almond milk and soy milk in the fridge next to the real you and it's a sad sight. I count the days until we can be together again.
I want my Ceci to not be intolerant of you, I pray that it's not the case and I'm not looking at 6 months of life without you. But if that is the case, I'm in this. I'll be successful, don't you worry. But I will long for you until March 26th when we will most definitely meet again.
Until next time, stay delicious.
Love,
Jenn
I miss you. I miss everything about you. Do you realize they put you in so much stuff? Bread, chips, cake, brownies, ice cream, macaroni and cheese, cheese, pizza... Everything I love has you in it. So I'm dealing with this in my own way. I'm drooling at people as they eat things I can't have right now. I stare lustfully at ice cream and donuts. I dream of M&MS and candy bars. I bargain with you in my head, though I know we can't be together right now.
The substitute you isn't great, it's actually quite dull and lackluster, sometimes downright disgusting. I have almond milk and soy milk in the fridge next to the real you and it's a sad sight. I count the days until we can be together again.
I want my Ceci to not be intolerant of you, I pray that it's not the case and I'm not looking at 6 months of life without you. But if that is the case, I'm in this. I'll be successful, don't you worry. But I will long for you until March 26th when we will most definitely meet again.
Until next time, stay delicious.
Love,
Jenn
Monday, June 10, 2013
Tired
I'm at a loss for this tired feeling. Was I this tired with Patrick? Was I exhausted? Was work this hard to return to? Cecilia isn't the best sleeper, I'm racking my brain to recall if Patrick had this much trouble at this age... I just can't remember. Last night she was back to her up every 2-3 hours gig... gassy, fussy and fighting to get out of her swaddle. Joc and I switched back and forth so that was helpful but man... waking up that often is hard. If you haven't experienced this, you should count yourself lucky. (And you are most likely child free since all infants wake up this frequently to eat... and if yours doesn't I really really don't want to hear about it.) During maternity leave I didn't really have to function but now that I'm back to work I have to be able to form thoughts and emails and rational thought... being awake that much feels like I worked the night shift...
Please don't tell me it'll get better (I do know it will), that's not what I want with this post. Please don't tell me all babies go through this or to cherish the hours I spend rocking and nursing the little lady all night. I'm not looking for positive thoughts or well wishes... of course it won't last forever. It's just hard in the moment. I just need to work out my thoughts of why... and why do I need to know? why can't C tell me what is wrong? why won't she fall asleep and stay asleep when she's laid down in her crib, especially at daycare? Why doesn't it matter how long I rock her as she's sleeping, she wakes herself up after I lay her down?
BA!
It adds to my worry too.
Cecilia hasn't been a good daycare napper either... but then again, those are the nights C will sleep for 6-7 hours straight. So, do I keep her awake all day in order to have 7 solid hours of sleep? I can't do it friends, babies need sleep, right? Right? Right... right... I'm just not sure.
My poor little gal. I just want her to sleep better, that's all I'm asking. Send positive thoughts or prayers or chants or cheers (I'll take anything!) that Ceci starts putting her sleep cycles together, that she starts self soothing and that she gets rest.... and so do the moms.
Please don't tell me it'll get better (I do know it will), that's not what I want with this post. Please don't tell me all babies go through this or to cherish the hours I spend rocking and nursing the little lady all night. I'm not looking for positive thoughts or well wishes... of course it won't last forever. It's just hard in the moment. I just need to work out my thoughts of why... and why do I need to know? why can't C tell me what is wrong? why won't she fall asleep and stay asleep when she's laid down in her crib, especially at daycare? Why doesn't it matter how long I rock her as she's sleeping, she wakes herself up after I lay her down?
BA!
It adds to my worry too.
Cecilia hasn't been a good daycare napper either... but then again, those are the nights C will sleep for 6-7 hours straight. So, do I keep her awake all day in order to have 7 solid hours of sleep? I can't do it friends, babies need sleep, right? Right? Right... right... I'm just not sure.
My poor little gal. I just want her to sleep better, that's all I'm asking. Send positive thoughts or prayers or chants or cheers (I'll take anything!) that Ceci starts putting her sleep cycles together, that she starts self soothing and that she gets rest.... and so do the moms.
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