What'd you call me?!

July, can you believe it's July (almost)?! I called my mom today and realized this weekend is the 4th, wow. You know, I'm not sure why time moving so quickly is so surprising to me (always). It just is.
So, I'm not pregnant, I can say this confidently. I had a few days there that I thought it was going to happen, but I think I psyched myself out (and Joc too). So, back to the grindstone we go. With hopeful thoughts for the next round, which I think I'll keep more on the dl for our sanity and the decreased pressure. Not that I don't like the support, I just think it might put added pressure on my uterus, egg and those foreign spermies. So, when and if I'm pregnant, you'll find out. And thank you for the kind words and support you've shown us without hesitation, I really do appreciate your love and support, it is felt through the WWW. (c:

So, my next ventures this summer are:
1. MSU interview (that's correct people, MSU!) through my connections at school, I've secured an interview (finally!) for a clinical teaching position for the fall. thank the Lord! Ferris officially emailed the generic "thank you for your interest BUT we've filled our positions, we'll keep your CV on file, blah blah blah" so they're out. My last other hope is Davenport where I submitted an app for a clinical coordinator position, they are reviewing the applicants and calling for interviews around the 9th of July, so if that were to come through I might be more excited than MSU because it would be a pretty good experience. as always, I'll keep you posted.
(On a side note, there was a small article in the Sunday GR Press about the high need for Nursing instructors... right, I was ticked when I read that. If you need em so badly, why don't you hire people who are fully capable?! BA! This looking for a job is a biotch man!)
2. Tri Del Sol July 17th. My first tri of the season, I'm not as trained as I'd like to be (as I was last season) because my training buddy went to Africa and it's not as easy for me to get in the open waters of Millennium Park knowing what's in the water... I know it's a bit pathetic but what can I say? (c: But it's doable, and I purchased clip-on pedals so I'm all set for a good race.
3. Millennium Tri August 8th. Same story as above but it's a touch shorter and I'll be better prepared because of the Tri del Sol and more time between races.

That's it. I really got online this morning to check into my cable bill and what would be cheaper AT&T or Comcast, and to organize my student loans... damn things. But since it's been awhile since I've updated, I was distracted. Now, onward to evaluate my costs!

Happy July people!

It's here!

It's June... and I'm days away from ovulation. Too much info? You may want to stop reading now (c: This is the month, our first attempt at pregnancy. Over the last two or three years I'd say, Joc and I have gone back and forth about starting a family. I can't remember if I've shared our struggles on this blog, so I'll fill you in now (again possibly).
It started with me not feeling ready for a family, I wanted so badly to travel as a nurse and get the hell out of Grand Rapids and Michigan for that matter. Joc felt the desire to carry a child pretty strongly and I was indifferent about the idea. (Sidebar: I always had this feeling that I would be single all my life, that I might eventually adopt a child if I came to that crossroads in my life, but I had definitely not planned on children or a partner in my life, obviously that has all changed for me, as life always leads us in different directions than planned). After I spent my summer as a nurse in Denver and missed Michigan like hell (and the hospital as well), we decided to get Jocelyn prepared to get pregnant. Now, I'm pretty sure that most of you who read this blog are well aware of my sexuality and that I'm gay... so I shouldn't have to point out that we needed a bit of sperm to make this happen. I'm sure I'm remembering it easier than it was, we went and spoke to a fertility doctor in GR, who explained the process, what we'd be looking at for costs, yadda yadda. It came down to Jocelyn's depression, she's on anti-depressants and would need to wean herself off. So, she began the long process of decreasing her dose, and let's just say it failed, miserably for all involved. (c: So, then the hurdle came of her coming to the realization that she just wasn't going to be able to carry a child in a healthy way, especially since we couldn't just have one of those, "oops! forgot the condom/birth control/diaphragm" kind of nights and "wala!" pregnant... So, we backed off, for probably a year we didn't do too much talking about it, I had begun to realize it was either me or adoption. We looked into adoption, it's costly and difficult for a same-sex couple to adopt in this state, not illegal but extremely difficult. We finally got to the point of me being the uterus (it wasn't an easy process for Joc as she prepared for what her feelings might be like watching me pregnant and wanting it badly herself). We went back to the fertility doctor who went through the process again for us, I started taking my temperatures to track my ovulation and we set a tentative month as April to try. Well, the beauty of planning pregnancy as we've done is that it's easy to push back the dates, there's always something to wait for. We knew we wouldn't go for February or March, because of our Mexican vacation... I wasn't paying $1000 to sit at the pool and drink Shirley Temples, so April would have been a good month. Then my friend Kelly and Oliver got engaged and invited us for a late May wedding in San Francisco... after some thought and internal ethical debate (would it be bad to get the insemination in the middle of May and then go to the wedding and drink knowing I might be pregnant?) so we pushed to June. Then more problems arose at the end of April, early May with Jocelyn and the struggle of the Catholic faith and what we were "allowed" to do and be according to "them". It was not easy, I'll leave it at that, for Joc to accept that our child who was conceived out of love but not in the "traditional" method, was unaccepted. I can say that I was much more at ease with the choice than Jocelyn. There were priests and prayers and arguments and tears shed, but in the end, I guess I can say I won. (And I'm happy to report that a study that just came out of California shows children from same-sex female parenting did better in their 17 years than those in heterosexual households. So there! No evidence that it's better or worse to have two moms.)
So here we are! June 8th, according to my past cycles (all very regular 28 days) I should have my LH surge (that's ovulation folks) tomorrow or the 10th. Gulp. Our sperm is on stand by at the office, waiting to meet our egg... and I say our's because while it's coming from my ovary, it's still a labor of both our love.
I am keeping my excitement down, I'm nervous that I'll ovulate on the 10th while I'm working and not be able to have the insemination until Friday... is that gonna hinder us? Who knows. It probably won't take the first time, the sperm website says 4-6 attempts, our doctor says he'd give it 3 unsuccessful attempts before running tests. But, maybe it will... we should know by the end of the month if it worked but of course, will need to wait for that 10-12 week mark before really spreading the word (in case it doesn't take). I'm nervous about this huge change... about telling people I'm pregnant and dealing with their comments or lack there of. My body is going to change in multiple ways, I mean there's going to be a kid inside me! I'm honestly a little afraid of what people at work will think and (this is sort of pathetic) if they'll throw me a baby shower... it's funny the things you worry about. I know that it's going to be a long 10 months or so of no alcohol... again, pathetic but when I enjoy a good summer shandy on a hot evening, I'll have to get used to a nice summer lemonade or that Shirley Temple. But we are ready, this new step will be fun as partners, friends and women.
We are so ready.

Summer's here and so is Emily!

Ahhh! just got home from a nice muggy run, my eyes were burning from the sweat and i felt sluggish from the heat but man is it nice to run outside in the sun! Ready to turn up my training for my triathalons this summer.
Well, I returned home to GR from a week in Cadillac helping out with my new niece and my 2.75 year old nephew. Man, is he a handful! Everyday I spent with him I was exhausted. I'm not a nap taker but boy was I ever last week, every afternoon after he laid down for his nap so did Auntie Jenn. Emily, my niece, is perfect. She's tiny (for a Gable) 8lb 6 oz and a little short really, only 20 inches long. In contrast to her big brother, she sleeps a lot and eats well. Juli said she only woke up once one night and another, she had to wake her up to feed her. I remember Lucas was a crier, he cried often and loudly... but I suppose babies do that. (c: Jules was doing well, looked tired a few days but will get the swing of things I suppose. Lucas did well with Emily, when she was born he kept saying, "Emily's not in mama's belly anymore. She's at the hospital" It was cute. Once they went home, and Joc and I were out playing with Lucas, he'd get angry if you were holding Emily. "Put the baby down!" and I felt bad for Jules one day he was angry with her, woke up from his nap angry at her, even told her so. "I'm mad at you mama!" He'll get used to Emily hanging around, and he'll probably end up loving her quite a bit to play wiht and push around. She just needs to grow up first (c:
Still on the job hunt, I hear all these rumors of openings, retirements and the "shortage of teachers" but no one has called me back. Funny how that works. I'll keep trying.
Doctor's appointment today, work tomorrow then off to California for a wedding weekend. I'm excited to see Kelly and Oliver get hitched in San Fransisco.
I'll add a few shots of miss Emily for those of you without Facebook (Rachael!).

Wasting Time

What the heck, I've got nothin' better to do! Since graduation, I've successfully done pretty much nothing with my life and it's been great! The last couple days have been lazy days of reading, watching TV and surfing the web... but now I'm getting bored. My running has even been impacted, it's getting bad. For example, I can sit and watch an episode of "The Biggest Loser" and feel empowered to go work out then I get distracted by gosh knows what and it's later in the day and I have to get showered and dressed. Really, it's all about making excuses. It doesn't help that it's been sub-zero temperatures outside (ok, 40s but still). I'm back in the game tomorrow, I promise myself. I've got some tris to train for darn it!
Still waiting on word of a job. GRCC still has my CV and cover letter, I made a call to their HR department to see what my next step is. I'm thinking I will send an email too and see if I get a response quicker from that. I just emailed my information to Davenport University for an opening for an adjunct nursing faculty person, is it too soon to call them? (c: Yes, since I hit send approximately 10 minutes ago... darn. I emailed with the dean at Western Michigan University, they have two full time, tenure track positions just waiting to be filled. Unfortunately, I lack the magical abbreviation behind my name (PhD) so I have to wait until they have a MSN position open. I really liked the sound of their philosophy and mission, so they are staying on my radar. Back up plans if I have had no word by June will be to apply at Baker College (Cadillac) and maybe try MSU (through my prof or previous preceptor). There's also a spot open at West Shore CC, but that's a good hour and 40 minute commute in good weather... I don't want to think about winters. Those are my back up plans... it's hard to not get discouraged that no one is even responding to my CV... how is it all you hear is related to the shortage of nursing faculty yet no one wants to hire someone interested?! UGH. I suppose I've never had to look for a job, so this is probably normal. In the back of my head I am worried that if I don't use the knowledge I've acquired, I'm going to lose it.
If no one calls me by mid June, I'm gonna have to start broadening my search...

What doesn't kill us...

Well, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I won't be hired at a specific nursing school that I really wanted to be hired at. I should have listened to my gut, once again, and not even applied. I spent a small part of this morning sitting down for what I thought was an interview for a job but what this person, let's call her Bob for faster typing purposes, thought was a consultation. Bob took the 30 minutes we sat together to explain why she wouldn't hire me, why most nursing schools wouldn't hire me. In Bob's words, "No one hires Master's prepared graduates without teaching experience into a Baccalaureate program". I won't go into too many details, just believe me when I say Bob was unprofessional in her interviewing and the majority of the time I wanted to reach across the desk and punch her in the face then gather my stuff and say, "I can see this was a huge waste of my time." Instead, I sat there and listened to her tell me what wasn't good about my CV and why she wouldn't hire me. So I sat down in my car afterward and cried out of anger, frustration, fear and loathing. I got home and emailed my professor who has been telling us that we are "experts" in nursing education, that we know more about nursing education than some of the professors teaching today. I'm waiting to hear back from her, hoping she'll tell me it was a fluke of an interview and to learn from it and move forward.
Here's hoping.